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I like soft-boiled eggs.
Now I know.
Not scrambled with ham like my father,
not stuffed like my partner,
not sunny- side- up like my best friend.
You probably know this story.
Although Iʼm not a runaway bride,
Iʼve adopted the tastes and habits of others in the past,
put a mask on,
to adapt and endear myself to them.
In business, friendships,
and even among those closest to me, I acted,
pretended to be someone else, someone better,
afraid that I wouldnʼt be accepted
if I showed my true face.
As the years went by, I no longer recognized
where my “imagined version” ended, and where my true self began.
What I liked and chose myself because thatʼs the way I felt,
and when I acted.
The borders between pretending and being myself
blurred more and more,
while I was feeling rising internal stress
and the urge to rebel against something
that I had imposed upon myself.
As a mature woman
I decided to take the masks off.
To show my true face
and risk being rejected and unaccepted.
By overcoming the barrier of fear
I was able to reject the internal control,
the fear of being revealed
and discovered talents
I had no idea existed.
I began to get to know myself once again,
discover the pleasures and features,
which when combined created me.
The unique me,
the worthy and interesting me,
the one who doesnʼt have to pretend or act.
Sometimes, I still put a mask on for a moment,
but fully conscious
of who I really am inside.
itʼs easier for me to face life without pretending.
Paradoxically, when I took off the masks,
I gained the acceptance of others.
Iʼll tell you a story...
One upon a time
There lived a girl with her parents.
A girl just like you and me.
Always fed with what was proper,
what she was expected to do,
how she should live.
A girl observing her close ones,
adopting their behaviors, values and beliefs.
When she was six, she played house with dolls,
tried to be attentive, modest and nice.
When she tried to talk to her dad about more serious topics,
he told her there was no need to trouble that pretty head of hers,
that those issues were for men.
When she was 14, she felt like a little woman.
She eagerly helped her mother out with the cooking and cleaning,
she took care of her younger brother,
she spent her allowance on “girlsʼ stuff”,
because she wanted to look pretty for the boys,
just like other teenage girls.
When she was a twenty-something year old woman,
the girl had found a job
paid well below her worth.
Pressed by the community,
she began to look for a husband,
to start a family
and give birth to another girl...
trapped in the male-female divide,
Once upon a time… letʼs write this story over, in a different way.
Eva appeared at my door unannounced.
She came inside and gushed a ﬂow of words
With the speed of a machine gun,
she was throwing out all her grief and resentment.
Anger, bitterness, and ﬁnally rage
- all those emotions built up inside her
exploded in my living room.
After an hour and a half, when the tension had died down,
I was ﬁnally able to ask what it was about.
All of the emotions that had been building up for years
began to come out in order.
Being a model partner and mother,
hiding behind good manners,
being nice and always satisﬁed.
It was like a pipe under sink,
which explodes when itʼs clogged up,
releasing everything it has accumulated.
In Evaʼs case
the lack of regular venting,
which would have allowed herself
to demonstrate negative emotions,
to have bad days,
led to an accumulation and explosion,
ﬁghts with her partner,
harsh words with her child,
arguments with her mother.
Evaʼs long years of pretending
lost its meaning in a single day.
The cumulated problems and negative emotions
destroyed the delicately crafted ideal world,
which didnʼt really exist.
Eva didnʼt allow herself bad days.
She had lost her self - integrity.
It led to an emotional explosion – the pipe burst.
I worked with Eva for the next few weeks,
taught her to free her emotions,
both the good and bad.
She tried to solve her prevailing problems,
even if it meant tears, anger,
or even some harsh words.
The entire family beneﬁted
from the change in Evaʼs behavior,
and in this case,
my plumbing services were no longer needed.
Angie has two majors
Her body is the envy of all her friends,
her job lets her live above the national average,
but she has something else – an enormous sense of
She seems to live among people,
goes out with her friends,
wants to start a relationship with someone,
but her fear of getting hurt
and inability to trust
prevent her from getting close to anyone.
Her loneliness is a state of mind.
The protection of her own fragile World
and the values,
which she fails to ﬁnd in others.
she sets for herself,
while retreating and withdrawing.
The loneliness of the thousands of sensitive souls begging for love.
Her loneliness is the silence
- she prevents anyone from interrupting.
is a scream,
which she is too afraid to release.
The People in the Mirror
During my life, Iʼve met many people
that I felt as though Iʼve known for years.
After a 20-minute chat, I felt like
we had a lot in common - , same tastes, same qualities.
We laughed at the same things,
we respected the same values,
we had the same approach to problems.
But by the second or third meeting,
I noticed that in some situations
these people seemed to irritate me.
I had no idea
how I could click so well with someone
and yet how much those same people
could drive me out of my mind
by their behavior.
as I was watching a couple of kids
playing in front of a window, mimicking each other,
that life is exactly like that.
Maybe not in play,
but in actions, in traits.
People are our reﬂections.
We subconsciously search for those
who are similar to us in certain aspects,
and stay away from those who show our bad sides.
When we avoid those people
who show us our negative features
like a mirror, weʼre not really avoiding those people,
but rather a confrontation with ourselves.
Continuing this train of thought,
I started analyzing who around me
irritates me, and why.
And so I discovered my irrational stubbornness,
tendency to avoid difﬁcult subjects,
lack of persistence and consistency.
It allowed me to see
that we meet such people on purpose,
in order to learn and improve ourselves,
because as much as I see myself in others,
they see themselves in me.
Iʼm being a know-it-all.
Iʼm acting as if I have all the answers,
as if Iʼve lived several long lives,
as if I was an old woman with enormous
Iʼm being clever when I speak and when I write.,
Even my thoughts are being clever.
bigheaded and repetitive.
But I have an excuse.
For I have a single goal:
for you to live life to the fullest, be more happy,
to reach your full potential,
to not go through things on your own.
Please, discard the form,
and focus on the substance.
Maybe Iʼm being a know-it-all,
but Iʼm someone,
who treats you like her best friend
and wishes you nothing but the best.
Something happened 16 years ago.
It created one of my lifeʼs mottos.
I had a problem.
At the time,
it seemed to be insurmountable - a dead end.
I analyzed, I had dozens of conversations,
and I still couldnʼt decide what to do,
which path to take.
Time passed, and I worried,
and considered all potential options...
And then a friend of mine told me something very wise:
“The time before a decision is lost,
youʼre standing still,
considering the pros and cons,
you relive the problem in your mind, instead of doing something.
Make a decision.
Even if it doesnʼt turn out to be the best decision,
it will let you move forward.
Even if itʼs wrong – it will be YOUR decision.
It will allow you to take control of your life.
If you donʼt, someone will do it for you…”
The decision I made back then
completely changed my life,
and made me aware that itʼs not so hard,
that I can control my own path,
that I can choose my direction,
and what consequences I can expect…
I encourage you to make
one conscious decision today.
A decision which will immediately change or improve
It doesnʼt matter if itʼs big or small, as long as itʼs a decision…
Do something that you have been putting off for a while,
something you will always do “later”…
and feel glad that itʼs ﬁnally over.
Our future begins
when we make a decision,
so I wish you the best one possible.
A Personal Mission
Camillaʼs inspiration was her grandma, a biologist,
a woman she admired and respected,
a woman who lived her life with a passion,
completely fulﬁlled, fostering her talents.
Camilla often asked her grandma about her secret to life.
She wondered how she was able to bring together
so many everyday issues,
and still be able to live life to the fullest.
“Each of us has a purpose in life.
A mission, something important to do.
A reason for being,
in a given place, at a given time.
And itʼs up to us to we discover this purpose.
Will we ﬁnd our talented SELF,
and let it blossom,
or will we ﬁght, swim upstream, and scream:
ʻI donʼt want to see, I donʼt want to seeʼ?!
You too have a purpose, Cammie.
A purpose which gives you drive and motivation.
A purpose, which once discovered,
will make you an inspiration to others,
will let you see the meaning of your actions,
swim with your own stream.
you have to go to work,
do housework, cook,
watch a TV series,
and do dozens of other things...
Of course, you donʼt have to search.
You can pretend you donʼt need it, that itʼs all just a whim,
that itʼs all okay the way it is,
that you donʼt have the time, that you have to...
that itʼs too late,
that your life is meaningless,
that thatʼs just the way it is,
that you never gave yourself an opportunity...
do you want to let that happen?”
The Most Important One to You
Maggie had a wonderful husband, a son,
who was the apple of her eye,
and an apartment she liked to call her little
Each day, she supported and listened to her husband,
kept the house, and devoted every free moment to her child.
The only missing piece was herself.
In two years, she transformed from a vibrant, happy woman
into a bitter and malicious person.
When I met her, I noticed her
lack of internal energy,
and a certain burnout.
We sat down, and she started to tell me about her life.
During an hour,
she didnʼt once mention herself,
her free time or needs.
Everything was focused on the home and family.
When I asked her about time for herself,
she sadly replied that she had none...
Happy people spread happiness and joy
frustrated people spread frustration.
I asked Maggie,
what she wanted to share with her close ones.
In her devotion, she had lost a part of herself,
something she could give to others, to recharge her batteries.
She became an empty pitcher,
unable to pour,
devoid of internal happiness,
which she could and wanted to share.
We started by ﬁguring out what she liked to do,
and when could she could ﬁnd time to do it.
After two weeks,
Maggie told me about the transformation in her home.
Her husband, surprised at ﬁrst,
happily accepted the changes, when he saw Maggieʼs
A month later, I saw her in a coffeehouse with friends.
She had a new hairstyle, was laughing carelessly,
once again a fulﬁlled, happy woman.
She understood that she was one of those
important to her.
Sense of Security
I grew up quickly.
I entered life unaware of its rules.
Since I crossed over the adulthood barrier,
I chased a sense of security,
and it kept getting away.
I didnʼt get it from university diplomas,
my own apartment, burdened with a loan,
an investment fund that plummeted,
the dream job, which became redundant.
I also failed to ﬁnd a sense of security in people,
in a partner, with whom I split,
in a friend, who let me down,
or other friends, who had their own lives.
The fragility of human relations made me aware
of how big an illusion it was to form my
sense of security
on the foundation of the outside world.
The faith that someday I could lean on someone or something
and ﬁnally feel conﬁdent, turned out to be naive.
I reached a true sense of security
when I found it inside myself.
It happened at some development classes,
where I was told
that the only guarantee is my internal conﬁdence.
My faith is actually created
by my awareness that I will always manage,
proven by my experiences,
and the tests I passed in life.
No matter what problems I encounter,
I will solve them.
This is my sense of security.
Cathy hated being alone.
As far as I can recall,
she was always in some relationship.
Each guy was the man of her dreams,
and each guy ended the same,
- as an ex.
The next relationship was preceded
by streams of tears, a broken heart, a bottle of red wine,
and no more than 7 days.
I lost track of the number and names
of Cathyʼs loves.
Unﬁnished, repeating homework.
Have you ever had
that feeling of déjà vu,
as if youʼve gone through a given situation already?
And once more it turned out like the previous time.
Why does this happen to me again?
Why do people treat me this way?
The recurring incident situations in relationships,
at work, among friends,
the tripping over the same patterns,
result from unﬁnished homework,
from something a given situation is supposed to teach you.
If you canʼt see the meaning of the homework,
and fail to draw conclusions,
meaning that you wonʼt change the rules,
the way of perceiving, reacting,
it will come back to you.
Like a failed test at school.
Cathy still didnʼt do her homework.
And her love lows will continue,
as long as she refuses to her true self.
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